CHECKING INTO THE RED ROOF INN

Hun, we need to talk
“what?! Why? When are you coming? I miss you”
soon, maybe. Maybe not
“Shit!”

Carrie has been playing games on me like those first year girls who pass by you till you call them, then they pretend they can’t hear you. I don’t even know what is wrong with these ladies. There isn’t even a way of calling her. I wish she had a phone. Or maybe a home I could go get her. I mean, I know her home but it is just impossible. I cannot just force her to come. I have to convince her and plead with her. I don’t know why she’s doing this to me. It’s been a week now I’ve just been expecting her .

On Monday I cried so much, for no reason. Oh wait, for a reason. I just sat down and thought about how my brother said he found a job at Malindi. One, we don’t have a family there, not even friends. We know no one and it is so weird for him to be trusted to go there. He has never been to a boarding school. In short, he has never stayed anywhere far from home. How was dad going to allow him to such a place? Nairobi would even have been a better place. With all these rumors of boys who get recruited into al-shabaab by passing through a route in Malindi. Some of them get deceived and go while others really know what they are going for. The neighbor’s son said he was going for a wedding in Malindi last year and he has never come back since then. Bro is now telling us of a good deal. A tourist driver. That his friend’s father owns cottages, and will be having visitors the first two weeks of next month, who would love to be driven to Mombasa and back. This would come with a great a hundred dollar per day. That deal is too good for father to believe it. So I sat down and thought about how bro can be stubborn and run for the job. He can even sneak out of home. He is desperate. I am too. We both are broke but hmmm. So I pictured him on his way to Malindi. I pictured how this friend of his might have been deceived too by the cottage owners , or maybe just told to shut up while they take my brother through the unknown river to Somalia. I pictured how we will wait for brother to come back the third week and we don’t see him. His phone is off and we can’t even get through the lady that called him for work. That will be an affirmation that we have lost him. I start to cry. I cried for losing my brother who is just at home writing scripts for a stage play. I stumble upon a beautiful romantic song in Lenna’s whatsApp status and I cry more. I just cry for a whole.day.

On Tuesday I woke up feeling super hungry. I went with akina Betina to pizza inn and finished two large pizzas alone. They didn’t believe it. I did not believe myself either. I’ve been having a massive appetite of late. Even the 2 litre ice cream that mum brought, I finished it all within one episode of Game Of Thrones.

“Carrie, I think something is wrong with me”
what is wrong?
“This eating habit…
Wait, AM I PREGNANT????”
Did you mess up taking your pills at all this month?
“Ummm”
Mary…
“Yes Carrie”
Did you have intercourse with anyone recently?”
“Ah, Carrie. Stop calling it intercourse. I just made love.”
Whatever. What are you feeling?

I am seriously bloated. All this weight gain i have been complaining about, saying that Shiv is not a good gym trainer while i’m here stuffing burgers and pizzas. My stomach feels hard and heavy. It is growing big. OH. MY. GOODNESS.

“CARRIIIIIEEEEEEEE”
Honey, those are real signs
“What?! What are you telling me? You are seriously not coming?”
Do you see any other signs of me apart from crying for no reason?
“I was safe”
So you have been intimate?
“Like less than two weeks ago”
You were ovulating at that time. And you would have known that if you were taking a pill and tracking your cycle. I think you should take a test

My boobs really hurt. I actually don’t know what to do. What will mum say when she finds out. She noticed the way i’ve been lazy of late and has just been looking at me. The way I’ve been complaining of dizziness and nausea. Carrie I thought that was you. How can you do this to me? I cannot deal with this anymore.

So who is the father?
“Don’t ask me that”
I need to know
“Carrie stop it!”
We need to be comfortable with the idea of you carrying a child.
“I am not comfortable. Please give me a second chance”
I cannot just arrive when you need me to. We’ve talked about this
“This is a nightmare. Carrie i know you can do anything. Akh! You are so selfish, after all, you are just a monthly period”
Excuse me? Im just doing my thing. Maybe this will teach you a little lesson. So what is the name of the father? That cute boy Omy?
“I seriously don’t know”
MARY!!!
“Like yes, it could be Omy for sure”
Wow! You’re in trouble

….. Two days later…..

Menses

“Carrie is that you? Aaawwwwh! You are so sweet, thanks for coming. I love you hun”
I love playing games with you
“This is just perfect. I don’t know whether to cry tears of joy or scream”

Now i need to go wash this mess out of my dress. These periods have really messed up with my date with Muli. How do I go home now? Couldn’t it have waited till I get home?. How now do I explain to Muli that I cannot make it to the date? The way I shopped for the date and told all my friends about it. What an embarrassment!

So what’s worse? Me(monthly period) or pregnancy? Anyways, I didn’t like the dress. Just go remove it and wash it
“I know you just want me to hang out with you and lay in bed”
I’d really love that. You can order pizza as we watch titanic. You will also need a bottle of warm water. Crumps are going to be really intense this time round.
“Uuuurgh!”

Inspired by [If periods could talk]

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