Everyone says that there is no handbook for teaching a man how to be a man, yet there are alot of self help groups and associations created by women to teach them what they should be or how they should be. All these, remember are created by women themselves. Other groups go to an extend of inciting women to go against men, we know. I know too. Some brand these people feminists, moving so far from what really feminism is. I will not argue about that one today. Today I am here to celebrate what this one woman has done. She has practically written a handbook fro men. When i read LETTERS TO MY SON, I had a feeling that ALL my male friends and collegues should read. I almost hosted a live video speaking about the content of this book for the sake of those who do not like reding. I related to every word of it and felt like we all need to be reminded of all this.
LETTERS TO MY SON by Joan Thatiah is devided into three main parts, Being a man, Being with her and The perception of life.
Can you guess what the first topic was? I bet you can’t. 1. Your being born male doesn’t make you trash. Yes. That is the first topic and she did not go inside to start gassing up the male species of how masculine stronger they are or how deeper their voices are. No. She actually specifically talked about these good men that exist and i related to each word. Bceause i know some and one of the men i wil mention here, apart from my dad and my future husband (obviously), is my boss. I know he hates being called boss because at some point “boss” became his nickname but this man is a real angel. He is the only man I have seen on this eart, who has closed his eyes on the ‘ifs’, ‘what ifs’ and ‘maybes’ when it comes to lending a hand. Sometimes he says, “I am not even helping her, she deserves it.”
Then she talked about the persistent men. The men who will convinve themelves that they are man enough, cannot be denied or turned down on. 2. Even a silent no means no. In this era I feel, with all the empoered women aorund and the support system, if a woman tells a man no, my brother just believe it and get moving. Even if she didn’t say it directly. If you insist you might as well waste you time and energy.
3. This is where manhood begins. Joan points out on those boys who are forced to mature too early just because they were born boys and are probably first borns. It is not healthy.
In as much as women define themselves with beauty and body structure, Joan says, 4. Do not let money define you. That is why most men get intimidated by spouses who earn more than them and I feel that is wrong.
5. Let me introduce you to the kitchen. – and learn that it is not a lady’s work to remove your dirty plate from the table. She will do it out of love.
6. Take pride in how you look. This one hit me because as much as i love photos I am always cautious about my appearances. In my broadcasting class back in school I was taught to always be camera ready as long as I am in the media industry. A man should concentrate on his good grooming and whatever features he has.
7. A woman’s weakness is not your strength. Doesn’t this just explains itself? Do not take advantage of what she cannot do, to put her down. There obviously is something she can do better than you but she is humble. You will not like it when she does the same.
The second part about BEING WITH HER consists of 8. Don’t kiss and tell. Joan tells her son that whatever happens between you and the one you love is your private agrement event if you do not like the outcome. She reminds her son to 9. Be a gentleman… Then she talks about a topic that most parents find it a taboo to speak especially to boys. 10. Sex is not a reward. -and i will add, it is neither a favour, because both parties participate. If she does something good and you want to appreciate her, find another way to do it.
11. Don’t waste her time… You know it when you do and most of the times, you do not have any valid reason. That is not eing a good man.
12. Life is not s beauty magazine excerpt. If you think she doesn’t look good to you, and isn’t bothering you please let her be.
Finally, in YOUR PERCEPTION OF LIFE Joan specifies on key things as a man, should consider especially when around fellow men.
13. There are no free rides in life. This one I related to my last podcast where i talked about how some men are trash. Specifically the man that I highligted in that story. Find it here
14. The importance of a firm handshake. -and i will add, ‘and an eye contact’ . It will take you places. With this pandemic going on, I think chapter 15. is a reminder to everyone to have less expectations in life. Particularly from people. See people as they are. Do not feel bad about a bad collegue, it is not you, it is them. Never defend him anywhere, he is not your brother, he is just a co-worker.
16. Change diapers. Hi fathers
Finally, 17. And the perfect time to have a baby is…. There is no specific age, but when you have all these figured out, aren’t you ready?
This post is not sponsored but even if it was, I am giving my honest opinion about what i feel towards the book. Dear men, find this book and read it. It has interesting stories in between. Dear ladies, you can get it for yourselves, your kids and your men. Thank me later.